Hey You, Yes You—What Are You Avoiding?

Avoidance has been coming up a lot lately—in therapy sessions, conversations, and even in my own quiet moments. What’s striking is that so many of us are doing it without even realizing it. We don’t always know what we’re avoiding, or why we’re avoiding it.

For me, personally?I’ve avoided rejection and failure. I’ve played it safe. Talked myself out of opportunities. Told myself I wasn’t ready or it wasn’t the right time—when really, I was just scared. Scared of falling short. Scared of not being enough. And in doing that, I limited my own chances at success. That’s the trap of avoidance: it feels protective, but often, it’s just keeping us stuck.

So what is avoidance, really?

In the mental health world, avoidance is the act of keeping away from things that feel uncomfortable, overwhelming, painful, or anxiety-provoking. It’s a coping mechanism, but not a helpful one. It's a short-term relief that creates long-term difficulty.

Avoidance can look like:

• Procrastinating on a task that stresses you out

• Ending a relationship before it gets deep enough to risk hurt

• Avoiding hard conversations because of fear of conflict

• Keeping busy so you never have to sit with your feelings

• Scrolling for hours to avoid the silence of your thoughts

• Saying “I’m fine” when you’re anything but

  
  

What are some things we tend to avoid?

• Failure

• Rejection

• Disappointment

• Grief

• Vulnerability

• Uncertainty

• Emotional discomfort (like sadness, anger, fear)

• Past experiences or trauma

The problem is that avoiding these things doesn’t make them go away—it just pushes them into the background where they can quietly shape your decisions, relationships, and sense of self.

What does a life of avoidance feel like?

It can feel like hiding. Hiding from pain.Hiding from truth. Hiding from growth.Hiding even from yourself.

It might feel like you're living half of your life—doing what feels safe instead of what feels fulfilling. You might have an underlying sense of restlessness, like you're meant for more but can't seem to reach it.

Avoidance can keep us from healing because we can’t heal what we won’t face.

Why do people avoid?

Because it’s hard to face what we don’t understand.Because discomfort is... well, uncomfortable.Because we were never taught how to feel our feelings, so we learned how to run from them instead.

But here’s the truth:Avoidance doesn't protect us—it limits us.It keeps us stuck in cycles we don't even realize we're repeating.

So what can you do instead?

• Notice the pattern. Ask yourself: Am I avoiding something? What emotions or outcomes am I afraid of?

• Name the fear. Rejection? Embarrassment? Uncertainty? Naming it helps reduce its power.

• Practice sitting with discomfort. Growth begins where avoidance ends.

• Reach out for support. Whether it's therapy, a trusted friend, or journaling—it helps to have a space to process.

  
  

You are not alone in this. We all avoid sometimes. But healing starts when we begin to face what we've been running from.