That Thing You Do That’s Keeping You Stuck? Let’s Name It

You’ve probably heard the phrase “self-sabotage” — maybe you’ve even joked about it.“I always wait until the last minute.”“I ghosted them even though I liked them.”“I had a plan… but I didn’t follow through.”

Sound familiar? We all do it sometimes. But have you ever paused and asked yourself:

Why am I doing this?

What am I afraid of?

What Is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage is when your actions (or inaction) block your progress or goals — especially when you consciously want the opposite. It’s not always obvious. Sometimes, it’s hidden in habits that look like procrastination, avoidance, or perfectionism.

Common Forms of Self-Sabotage:

• Saying “yes” to things you don’t have time or energy for

• Avoiding tasks that matter to you

• Picking fights in healthy relationships

• Ignoring your own boundaries

• Shrinking yourself to avoid being “too much”

  
  

Example:

You’ve been wanting a new job. You see a perfect opportunity, but instead of applying, you convince yourself you're underqualified — and never send the application. That’s self-sabotage.

Is It Fear?

Often, yes. Self-sabotage is frequently rooted in fear:

• Fear of failure

• Fear of success

• Fear of rejection

• Fear of change

• Fear of being “too much” or “not enough”

Sometimes it feels safer to stay in the familiar discomfort than to risk the unknown of growth.

Are You Self-Sabotaging?

Here are a few signs:

• You avoid taking steps toward a goal, even when you want it

• You set unrealistic expectations, then feel like a failure when you fall short

• You consistently put others' needs before your own

• You talk yourself out of opportunities

• You dwell on past mistakes and let them define you

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How to Stop Self-Sabotage:

1. Recognize the Pattern Awareness is the first step. Ask: What am I doing that’s getting in my way?

2. Name the Fear Fear is often behind sabotage. What am I afraid might happen if I succeed?

3. Challenge the Thought Is the fear true? Or is it a protective story you’ve been telling yourself?

4. Start Small Set small, realistic goals. Build trust with yourself again.

5. Be Kind to Yourself Self-sabotage doesn’t mean you’re lazy or broken. It means you’re human — and possibly protecting yourself from something painful.

6. Get Support Therapy can help you uncover patterns, rewrite the narrative, and build healthy habits that align with your values.

   
   

Final Thought: You deserve to succeed. You deserve peace. Self-sabotage might have helped you survive in the past, but it doesn’t have to guide your future.

Ready to talk about it? We’re here to support your growth at The Therapy Spot.